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Brian Klein

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I am reminded of how fragile life is.

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What an incredible story told from the heart.  People can be incredibly mean, sometimes without knowing it; when my own mother died and I was grieving people who I called friends would often comment 'oh are not over that yet?'  As you mentioned about having cancer, no one can understand what that disease can do to a person both physically and mentally - as well as affecting their family too.

Grieving is a two-part process - dealing with the loss of a loved one and remembering what that loved one did for you and how they communicated to you what you did for them.  I remember the last few days of my mother's life - she uttered words that had never passed her lips before, not because the thought was never there, but because of the way people were a generation away from where I was - those words were 'I love you'.  It's amazing how those three words can impact on a person; the second part of grieving comes into play here for me, remembering the look on my mother's face when she said those three little words.  To be honest, the words need never have been said because I could see that love in the look in her eyes.

It's true what you said Brian, about life not being fair and no one saying that it was.  Fair only comes into play when something becomes unfair.  But this also reminds me too of how fragile life is - many feel that they are invulnerable and nothing can stop them in their tracks, until it actually happens.  

One of the worst phrases that can be uttered from someone's mouth when talking to someone that has fallen due to illness or accident is 'I understand how you feel'.  They can't, not even if something the same has befallen them - no one knows how a person feels other than that person themselves and we all feel and react differently to situations that face us.

My mother passed 6 years ago and there are times when I still grieve, something ignites a memory that can either make me smile or draw a tear and how I feel at those times is very personal, so much so that no one other than myself can understand those feelings. We can empathise with people and we can sympathise, but no one knows how another person feels inside.

You were blessed with having such a profound contact with your gentleman friend and it's a wonderful gift that he left you with by saying those few words that came not from his voice, but from his heart to yours.  It's a rare gift that will stay with you eternally.

I would say to everyone reading this, grieving is part of life - you grieve for the pain and emptiness that someone leaves you with. It's natural and it's normal and it's very important that you go through this stage in your life; it may happen many times and each time will be different, but the feelings will be the same. Allow yourself time to grieve - there are no time limits imposed, it takes as long as it takes.  Remember also, your loved one would not want you to grieve forever and they would be sad to know that you have allowed your grief to take over your life.  As Brian mentioned, life is fragile, it is also for living and you have a life to live.

:A1:

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On ‎17‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 02:58, Maddox said:

What an incredible story told from the heart.  People can be incredibly mean, sometimes without knowing it; when my own mother died and I was grieving people who I called friends would often comment 'oh are not over that yet?'  As you mentioned about having cancer, no one can understand what that disease can do to a person both physically and mentally - as well as affecting their family too.

I find this is my greatest struggle, it is so hard from time to time; I find relating to others rather difficult at times as well. Mainly because I just know that most people do not really understand my plight.

On ‎17‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 02:58, Maddox said:

Grieving is a two-part process - dealing with the loss of a loved one and remembering what that loved one did for you and how they communicated to you what you did for them.  I remember the last few days of my mother's life - she uttered words that had never passed her lips before, not because the thought was never there, but because of the way people were a generation away from where I was - those words were 'I love you'.  It's amazing how those three words can impact on a person; the second part of grieving comes into play here for me, remembering the look on my mother's face when she said those three little words.  To be honest, the words need never have been said because I could see that love in the look in her eyes.

You know reading this makes me see, why I take care of my mother, it reminds me that I am doing the right thing, I find all to often people are simply dumping the elderly off at nursing homes and washing their hands of their parents or relatives. I personally think that it is a sh*tty way to spend your last days.

Your mother really meant what she said because you were there for her. Rare quality these days.

On ‎17‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 02:58, Maddox said:

One of the worst phrases that can be uttered from someone's mouth when talking to someone that has fallen due to illness or accident is 'I understand how you feel'.  They can't, not even if something the same has befallen them - no one knows how a person feels other than that person themselves and we all feel and react differently to situations that face us.

Amen to that! It really does take going through a situation before one can truly apreciate the plight. I find 85% of the people on the planet don't even know what it feels like to live in hardship - All to often I see people on their 'moral high ground' not completely comprehending the situation they are trying to understand, that drives me batty.

On ‎17‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 02:58, Maddox said:

My mother passed 6 years ago and there are times when I still grieve, something ignites a memory that can either make me smile or draw a tear and how I feel at those times is very personal, so much so that no one other than myself can understand those feelings. We can empathise with people and we can sympathise, but no one knows how another person feels inside.

I don't think it ever gets any easier, I don't know what I would do in those situations, I got my wife and my mother, I don't really know anyone else. One thing that the years of being hospitalized did to me, was ruin my social skills in high school or school period. I wasn't able to develop as well as I would like as a result.

On ‎17‎/‎09‎/‎2018 at 02:58, Maddox said:

I would say to everyone reading this, grieving is part of life - you grieve for the pain and emptiness that someone leaves you with. It's natural and it's normal and it's very important that you go through this stage in your life; it may happen many times and each time will be different, but the feelings will be the same. Allow yourself time to grieve - there are no time limits imposed, it takes as long as it takes.  Remember also, your loved one would not want you to grieve forever and they would be sad to know that you have allowed your grief to take over your life.  As Brian mentioned, life is fragile, it is also for living and you have a life to live.

I wish you were so much closer, @Maddox we would be sharing dinners and drinking tea together (I dont care how 'Gay' it sounds) I feel we'd have an awesome friendship. But much like true Brian Fashion, the friend I make is 15,000 miles away. Well, I am pleased with what I get, @Maddox you are an awesome gentleman, I'd love to hear your story on your mom and how you handled that at some point. 

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